Slowly losing my mind

So last week I was all “Slowly but surely coming together…” And then… I finished it. I finished the chapter!

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But literally, the next day, I realized that it didn’t work. I needed to take the chapter I just written a new intro for and changed POVs, and split it into two chapters… oh and it needed to be in the original POV, but I was absolutely going to keep all the changes that I made, so I couldn’t just put in the old stuff…. oh no no no. I needed to switch the POV… again…

crying

If you feel lost… welcome to the club.

This was so much easier with The Haven. I only had two POV characters. Now I’m juggling the rest of the cast and it is beyond daunting… and frustrating… and annoying… and why I doing this to myself!?!?!

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Thanks, guys. Yes, as annoying as this is, I really wouldn’t give it up. Doesn’t mean that I can’t grouse.

rchl

Anyway, I’m about half way through the new game plan, and despite my spite, I know it’s making a better story. So I’m going to get back to that chapter and hopefully finish it… again.

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What? It’s *still* that same chapter?!

Okay, I’m being just a touch hyperbolic. Yes, I am working on that same chapter, two weeks on. Like it’s been so slow that the beta-read I was using as my treat for finishing the chapter was getting to the point of embarrassingly late. I had to give up on finishing the chapter and just read the manuscript for my friend.

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And truthfully, I have been plugging away. Not as quickly as I would like, but a steady outpouring of words. A few paragraphs a day, every day.

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And I really can’t be upset about it. I think I hit on the final incarnation of this book. Not the final *draft* mind you, but the beginnings of the final drafts. I’m not expecting any major structural shake-ups, so I should be expanding on chapters, and starting to add the details.

Or that’s my current excuse, anyway.

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Still, I’m sleeping, so I must be writing enough… right?

Still on that chapter

And I have been writing.

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It’s just that this is a fight scene, and one I am rewriting from a new character’s POV. So I’m not just fixing up the fight, but rewriting big chunks of it because Barb wouldn’t know what a trained warrior would. It’s exhausting, mentally.

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It’s one thing to switch POV between characters with a similar background, but it’s a lot more work to use a novice in any scene. While I appreciate the opportunity for natural exposition and world building, my brain hurts after a few paragraphs because I have to translate actions into an alien mentality.

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I’m reading a few paragraphs and then taking a few hours to process how Barb would interpret those actions. Then I have to edit and rewrite and find the right transition.

Or decide that Barb wouldn’t have the faintest clue what’s going on, and then rewrite around that revelation.

sigh annoyed

And it’s going well, more or less. I’m hoping it will speed up once the action starts in earnest. Most of the scene setting stuff just needs pronoun changes, and Barb is only starting to come into her own, so she can observe actions; she doesn’t have to be a part of them. Which means I have to change a few lines and add her reactions. Hopefully. As long as I don’t change my mind, again.

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So, I’m moving right along, if more slowly than I thought. But it’s the story that’s being slow, not me. I’m writing. Which is a good thing. I like being writing. I am braining the words so hard. So hard the braining. Such words.

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Sorry, I have to get back to my book.

 

It’s time for Chelsea

Yes, it’s the first Monday of the month, and that means Chelsea! Last month started the new cycle, so the adventure is just ramping up.

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Sorry, I love Chelsea. She has never ceased to surprise me, even if I did create her. Good characters do what you want, great characters do what *they* want. Chelsea has definitely detoured from the story I envisioned, and I’m okay with that.

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So, if you love monsters, and the normal humans who fight them, you still have one hour to sign up before the latest drops.

A hitch in the giddy up

I got over that one chapter, but ran smack into the exposition chapter.

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And I don’t mind the expo chapter. I actually like them, reading and writing. But this is the… fourth version of this I’ve written this year. Little changes in the timeline (and more than one HUGE change in the timeline) makes for big changes in the actual words of the expo chapter, but not in the overall story. Which I know seems like it should be a contradiction…

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*sigh* And worse, I know that I’ll probably just have to change it all again in a few months.

Like can I really get away with *People discuss things, mysteries are prodded, but not solved, Marley is snarky in his head, Edie is snarky out loud, and now we’re going to investigate Audra.*

Writers, if you got that in beta-read would you keep reading?

Me either.

sigh annoyed

Anyway, I have cake and bread to bake, and five or six exposition chapters to shift through so I don’t have to write this thing from scratch. Again.

rchl

The wheels are turning, again, and there are miles still to go

It’s most daunting part of writing an epic. The road ahead of me.

 

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I may or may not be showing off some pics my epic cross country move last year.

I spent two weeks contemplating a huge change to the narrative and consequently not sleeping. Something that hasn’t been a part of my life for some time now. My friends and family are shocked. Kate gets 6-8 hours of sleep, on the regular,  and I like it.

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But this past month really hammered something home. I’m going to do this, no matter how long it takes. If it means a few sleepless nights here and there… I’ll take them, and I’ll keep rolling down the road.

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And much like driving across the prairie, I can the epicness in front of me, but I’m acutely aware of how far away it is.

 

montana

Montana, man, Montana

And some days that is overwhelming. Today though, as I sip coffee and look at the five chapters I got squared away this weekend, I can take some pride in the road traveled so far. This leg isn’t even close to done, but I’m back on the road.

In the battle cry of my brethen, I proclaim I #amwriting.

 

 

 

150

That’s how many minutes of sleep I got last night. 150.

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My kids and husband have noticed a difference in my behavior. For the kids, it means walking soft and doing chores the first time I tell them to.

The husband can be more direct: “You’re getting bitchy.”

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And we all know what the problem is. I can’t get this chapter written.

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I’ve made time. I’ve outlined. I’ve talked about it. The husband and kids have left me alone to get it done. But I can’t seem to get through this. Changing the dynamic of these two characters forces changes to their actions and speech.

While nothing changes long-term, story-wise, for them, the short-term changes have me frozen. I hate what I have written so far. It’s contrived and just awful.

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And I think I have to let it be awful. For now.

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This is the first draft of this chapter. It’s going to be awful. While the rest of this book on version 4.2, this chapter is essentially a beta test. There will be bugs and weird crap, and I’ll figure it out. Next go around.

vodka

I have to accept the crappiness of this chapter, push through it, and move on. Not only so I can finish this book, but so that I can get some frickin sleep.

writing is hard